She can’t leave her garden it’s a labor of love.
She’s there in the morning, hands in her gloves, and dusk finds her still there, as the ceiling falls. A day in her garden just says it all. She mothers her garden I watch from across the road. It’s her little bit of heaven, her world, or so I’m told. It’s not a large plot, about twenty feet square. Size doesn’t matter in the garden when there’s an abundance of love to share. I’m addicted, I watch from afar as she puts her hands in the dirt, pulling high grass and weeds, she’s a gardening superstar. The garden is in full bloom, the colors quite rogue. The scrubs blossom sublime, glistening as she gives them a soak. In her garden she holds dear the memories of days gone by and those no longer here. She replays them as she lifts her prayers, a life of good and love is what she shares. Her garden gives her refuge, there, amongst the flowers, now grown quite huge. There is a peace that settles on her, of that there’s no doubt. See it as the magic springs about? It’s her safe haven, her place to play, the place she replenishes because she gives so much away. Her garden gives her presence, second only to her family, who anchor her life; She’s mother, friend, committed lover and wife. She has a heart full of gold, she’s quite courageous and giving, loving and bold. The lady loves her flowers. Her garden one can’t deny, it keeps on giving and giving to those who wander by. Even in late October, when the scrubs and flowers take plight, as they feel winter coming and retreat for the night. Although the seasons may change, and her garden fade away, She blesses us all, because the memories still stay. She can’t leave her garden it’s a labor of love. She’s there in the morning, hands in her gloves, and dusk finds her still there, as the ceiling falls. A day in her garden just says it all.
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I remembered what you always said,
our wounded and lost, are wounded and lost no more. They fought gallantly and won the war. Lonely and lost, we shouldn’t be, their sacrifice and bravery set us free. They travel with us each and everyday and sometimes, they seem to help us find our way. They’re not our shadows, silhouetted against a red brick wall, they’re there when we’re walking straight, they’re there when we fall. They’re in the azure skies as they cast their glow they’re there when we’re searching for what we need to know. They never stand in opposition as we strive to find our way, as we cast the die in our lives, each and every day. Sometimes, we wake and we think they have left us, simply gone. But they never leave us, they always tag along. Because no matter how scared we are to be left alone, our hearts know the truth, it holds the key, not a tombstone. An integral part of who and what we are, steadfast guardians, they never wander far. I can no longer reach out and touch you, an ache searing through and through. Your courage, your love, always on my heart and mind, your unwillingness to leave a single one behind. Because you’re with me, I’m never lost, just a bit misplaced among the human race. I remembered what you always said Our wounded and lost, are wounded and lost no more, they fought gallantly and won the war. Lost and at odds, we must not be, their sacrifice and bravery, the cost that keeps us free. If you are lost, I will find you.
If you are discouraged, I will encourage you. If you are lame, I will give you my feet. If you are hungry, I will give you something to eat. If you are angry, I will appease you. If you are broke, I will support you. If you are tired, I will offer you my bed. If you are mindless, I will offer you my head. If you are tearful, I will dry your eyes for you. If you need a change, I'll be there for the view. If you are foolish, I will give you a wise man. If you need a voice, I'll give you a stand. If you need love, I'll love you to death. Anything else you need, I’ll give to you without reprieve. I’ll extend to you as far as I can, my helping hand. So, what is a friend? One who, when tested, is true and doesn't waiver or cave as a rule. Who stands up tall and straight, and always fights for what’s right. Now there's two of us bonded to put up that good fight. For each other we'll be there ‘til the bitter end. Yes, yes, yes, my friend, ‘til the bitter end. Will you carry my future?
Will you carry my pride? Will you carry my water, caught up in the tide? Will you carry my heartbreak? Will you carry the sky? Will you carry the day as I watch it go by? Will you carry my mistakes? Will you carry my lies? My false assertions? My alibis? My shoulders are weakened, my knees, they don’t hold. I can’t really look at myself, I look feeble, I look old. My strength is waning, I’ve lost all my fight. I might make it through the day, but I’m not sure of the night. Will you carry my future? Will you carry my pride? Will you carry my water, caught up in the tide? Will you carry my dreams? Will you carry my smile? It might be fragile I’ve not used it in a while. I’m rattled and antsy, I can’t get out of my own way. I’m stalled on the highway and here I might stay. I feel forgotten; a lost soul at best. I’m exhausted and flustered I just need a rest. Can you carry my heart and put it back in place? I lost it last night, I almost abandoned the race. Can you carry my hopes that I might love again? Will you carry my friendship and never let it end? I’ll be there for you to carry the same, it’s real life we’re living, it’s no foolish game. I’ll carry your misfortune and the blessings when they come. I’ll be there for you as you’ve been for me, utterly fearsome. Will you carry my future? Will you carry my pride? Will you carry my water, caught up in the tide? We’ve seen her anguish.
We’ve seen her cry. We’ve seen her stare life down, straight in the eye. We’ve seen her fight for her family, and its good name. We’ve seen her put liars to roost and cheaters to shame. There’s just no one we love more, whose voice we want to hear. She’s the den mother to us all, she is our Mama Bear. We’ve seen how she responds when her men go to war. She knows the price of the freedom her family is fighting for. She doesn’t take any push back. She doesn’t take any lip. She’s the fastest gun in town, she can shoot from either hip. She’ll not tolerate our being wayward, we’d better adhere to her very last word. She’ll send us packing until we repent. Oh the payback is heavy, now, we have to pay rent. Yes, we’re no longer the center of the family show, our youthful antics have lost their glow. She’s allowed for our screw-ups, she’s allowed for our fun, there’s a different kind of mothering, since we turned twenty-one. We’ve grown beyond the den, she’s let us go, but mothering doesn’t ever end. We still need Mama’s counsel to keep our feet on the ground. She keeps us straight and true, even when not around. As tender as she can be, she can still strike the fear of the Lord in everyone, most especially in me. She’s gentle and grace filled and can deal with it all, a multitasker supreme, she never retreats. She’s the core of our family, she’s answered the call, and no matter where she goes, loved by everyone she meets. There’s just no one we love, or who loves us more, whose voice we want to hear. She’s the den mother to us all, she is our Mama Bear. There’s a monster in me.
It’s in the back of my mind, but I know it’s there, although it hides. Most of my days, I’m totally unaware, but on this particular day, I know that it’s there. It’s that itch that needs scratching, the song that I can’t sing, the mile that I can’t run, all the things that I can’t do and the things that I haven’t done, that makes me feel that life’s passing me by. I don’t know quite how, I don’t know quite why. It’s that hollow feeling in my heart, that I’m not playing a significant part, that bothers me. I’m damn well for real, that I know; I’m made from flesh and blood, I have a heart and soul. But I want to put all my talents and abilities on overdrive, and drive them till there’s no more left, and none of them can hide. Something is teasing me, I don’t know what it is. It’s in the morning, then again, it’s there at night. Sometimes it may seem funny but most times, gives me fright. It’s something that is telling me that I could be something more, and that I should journey forward and not close any door to those things that draw me to places and people where I wouldn’t go. Places and people like you, that would open up my mind and soul. But there’s something about me that I don’t like today.' It’s tearing at my soul, it’s gnawing at my breast. I think it’s another defining moment of my life. I think it’s just another test. Again, it’s telling me that I need to go further with my life, that I need to know what I know, that my journey has not yet been concluded, that there are still miles yet for me to go. I must journey straight ahead, I must confront the monster, take it down, and put my unrest to bed. Because there is a monster in me. It’s in the back of my mind, I know it’s there, until it hides. Most of my days I’m totally unaware, but on this particular day, I know that it’s there. But it won’t be there for long, I will push the envelope one more time again, by year’s end, it’ll be gone. Oh yes, it will be gone. Yesterday’s yesterday…
Forty-eight hours and ten minutes plus, we spent all but two talking about us. Are we so complicated? So much you have tolerated, how often you said I’m a strung-out man. Really, I’m just that bass guitarist you fell for in the rock and roll band. My riffs are made from magic, my chords from a quarry of stone. I’ve played my songs till my flesh is cut to the bone. You say I care more about my music than I do about you; I say no, it’s untrue, untrue, untrue! Can we lock our love up, put it in a box, tie it with a bow? Then hide it in a place others are scared to go. Now I’m a middle-aged rocker looking for my glory days, I want to go touring again, what do you say? I’m a member of the band, if I don’t voyage with them, I’ll be in never, never land. ‘Cause music’s my calling I write the verse, the tunes come freely when we rehearse. Your words fall from my ears, my eyes bleed sorrowful tears I now see me coming apart, is it the love for my music or the love for your heart? Yesterday’s yesterday… Forty-eight hours and ten minutes plus, we spent all but two talking about us. So, you’re letting me go, I owe you again you’re not only my lover you’re my bestest friend. I’ll call you each day, I promise no less. I’ll pay the groupies no mind, the ultimate acid test. Afterall, I’m now an aged rocker, I do need my rest. There was a mirror on my wall in which I looked ten feet tall. My ego filled all the space, for anyone else, there was no place. Awash in my youth I thought I had it all, what can touch me, I boasted, impervious to the higher call. As the years began to unroll I became troubled by my anxious soul. My reflection hazy, searching, desperate to recall; no answers to be found in the mirror on my wall. I sought tranquility in my days tossed, restless in my sleep at night. But, to no degree could I breakaway. Whatever will set me free from this troubled plight? Mirror, mirror on my wall, now in my middle years, how do I stop the free-fall? Suddenly, all became clear, the depth of my depravity, to live within a selfish shell was pure insanity. I wrestled with my soul the truth within I finally got hold, it was time to set it free. I opened my eyes to the world, no longer in shadow, I exchanged the mirror for a window, drank in all I saw, joy pushed away the sorrow. The colors rolled vibrantly over the hills, the clouds blew out towards the sea. Children laughed and played, and gave the world hope, unafraid. I opened my heart to the world, no longer guarded, innocence over took me, I was definitely altered. My callous shell faded away, I looked forward to each new day. No longer would I live for myself and my pleasure My goal now, to let love for others be my measure. I opened my spirit to the world and a power filled me with the strength of loved ones come and gone their love never died, but still reigning on. It supports me now in the purpose that I choose, to help others win and never lose. What I thought was important when I was young was nothing in light of the work that must be done. To know what I “really” know in my mind, my heart and my soul. To make a better world, yes this is my final goal. He just appeared, it seems, out of the blue. For those looking, his presence was long overdue. Nobody understood from whence he came. He didn’t volunteer much just, Sensei, his name. He didn’t mix words, more than a few sentences, we seldom heard. He carried nothing with him, he lived life lean and mean. Never in a rush, he passed each moment deliberately. There is no reason, he taught, to meaninglessly let one pass by, life is best walked one foot in front of the other, only. Always being on the run, he said, is worse than a stick in the eye. There were many paths that Sensei could have taken but he chose a life in the simplest form, to some it looked quite barren. It was obvious that he was a learned man; he was disciplined, fit, sound minded, solitary, and lived by his own plan. “Against his better self-interest”, many would say, but Sensei never listened, he was comfortable making his own way. And for those who could not, or would not, try to understand, although living a simple life, he was a very complex man. Sensei, defined himself by his minimal life. He exuded peace, preached tranquility, seemed one with no internal strife. “Is what you teach a religion?” “Are you a God?” “Are these questions you should be asking of me?”, he replied with a nod. “God is the essence of it all. I’m here only to help and to guide, to pick you up should you fall. I will push you and train you and prepare you for the many tests. All I ask in return is that you give me your best.” Back then we failed to recognize the treasure, the true worth of the gift, wrapped up in this stern and guarded man, from whom fairness, justice and unconditional love always came swift. He showed us that we can make excuses for our shortfalls, live a less than robust life, or, face the challenges as they unfold. For each of us he helped build our core, gave us a firm foundation from which to launch and to soar. His words to this day give my life basis, in my mind Sensei’s voice rings out, “there are no excuses!” I don’t want to be “Yes, I used to date him…”, or a flicker of a remembrance on a tepid summer afternoon. I want to be someone a thousand times more meaningful to you. I don’t want to be a casual acquaintance who you met at a cocktail party or a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend. No, that’s not who I want to be. I don’t want seven degrees of separation coming between you and me. I want to be your closest entity; the ground on which you walk, the air you breath in each day, the support to take you higher to that which you aspire, the answer to the prayers that you pray. I want to be the one you choose each day and every night for you, a brilliant light. I don’t want to be promises made but broken; words floating in the air, false utterances spoken, a house of untruth, false passions aflame. Teach me that which you think I should know. Hold on tight and never let me go. I want you to be with me forever, I want you to bear my name. So now can you see? I want zero separation between you and me. I don’t want to be “Yes, I used to date him…”, or a flicker of a remembrance on a tepid summer afternoon. I want to be someone a thousand times more meaningful to you. I don’t want to be a casual acquaintance who you met at a cocktail party or a friend of a friend, of a friend of a friend. No, that’s not who I want to be. I don’t want seven degrees of separation coming between you and me. |