The iPhone Lament

I destroyed my iPhone,
It’s not been a very good day,
We bounced it from our mattress
And watched it find its way,
It broke in several pieces
As it hit the floor,
My gal she said “it’s okay,
Cause I won’t be calling you no more”

So why have an  iPhone?
When the one you love won’t call no more,
She could e-mail me or snail mail me to tell me what’s in store
But what these lack, I know damn well sure,
Is the sound of her lovely voice that rains like sugar pure

I walked by the Apple Store
And it was crowded always still,
Like Jobs was giving away gold against the corporate will
I gave my number and placed myself in line
And wished I had a lot more money than I had leisure time,
The line was buying iPhones, iPods and iPads too,
By the time it was my turn, I turned sad and blue

I slipped out the Apple store
And ran to Joe’s American Bar and Grille,
And downed a Tequila chaser before I got too ill,
I had another one, and then one more after that,
The bartender told me not one more,
He’ll not read my epitaph,
I reached for my iPhone and found it wasn’t there
and was suddenly overcome by loneliness and fear

A man without a iPhone
Is a man without a life
When no one is reaching out, not a girlfriend nor a wife,
So why have an iPhone,
When the one you love don’t call no more,
She can e-mail me or snail mail me to tell me what’s in store
But what these lack I know damn well sure
Is the sound of her lovely voice that rains like sugar pure